When I was younger, I kept a diary, well I had about 5 or 6. It's funny, I just like having new ones. I'd write it in for a few pages and then move onto a new diary. My favorite was my Lion King one because it had a lock on it. Well here I am again, intermittenly writing in a diary. As a child/pre-teen, my entries were only about, me complaining about my parents or my current crush. I didn't have the energy for daily entries. Today, is a "complain about the parents" entry. I hate them. Hate is a strong word but not as strong as loathe, not as strong as, I want to Menendez them but they sure are making my life hard right now. I'm thankful that they gave me life and a roof over my head, food, money for toys...but that was about it. Were they there when I was little? Sort of, on the weekends, when my dad felt like buying me toys to make up for not being there through the week, or when my mom felt like taking me on a weekend trip to Embassy Suites so she can meet with her boyfriend at the time. I don't feel like they raised me. I was raised by Grandma, Grandpa, Andoanie (Aunt Joanie), my sister, and cousins. Why should I even owe them anything right now? Well here's a secret: I'm a wimp. I hate confrontation. I can't stand up for myself. Even when nothing is my fault, I'll take the blame just to avoid further argumentation. I'm the whipping girl, punching bag, etc. It sucks. I'm partly responsible. When you don't stick up for yourself early enough in life, you'll get trampled later and I'm getting trampled.
What a bummer. Seems like I only come to blog when I'm feeling all emo. Well, I do have some positive going on, I'm starting a new job in about 2 weeks. I'm happy about that. I have people that support me in my decision to leave home and will be there for me when my mom turns into Lucifer after I work up the courage to tell her that I'm leaving. When will that be? I'm hoping early 2011. I'm a procrastinator, this is just one more thing on my list but it's something that needs to be done, otherwise, I'm gonna have to hurt somebody.
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