Poor blog, through multiple attempts to resuscitate you, I fail. I think I only come here to vent and here we are. I'm at work and I have things to do but I can't focus. I can only think about how unhappy I am. I appear to be a pretty put together gal, holding down a good job, maintaining a relationship with a great guy...what more could I ask for? Well how bout two parents that can take care of themselves. I try to remind myself that I could have it worse or I tell myself, "Tatiana, stop trying to make yourself a victim and stop feeling sorry for yourself." Well damn it, it's not fair! I'm busting my butt trying to help out my jobless mom who really doesn't want to work at all and who wasn't around very much when I was younger and needed her most. Why the hell should I help her? Well who else is going to do it? It all falls on me. I should've been bad when I had the chance. Start building the reputation of being unreliable and at a young age but no, I was on the honor roll, got my bachelor's right after high school. All my other friends got cars, rewards. I don't even consider myself a materialistic person but I want to be rewarded too! What sucks is I feel like I have no one to relate to. Most of my friends have parents that work and are self-reliable, well unless their parents are sick. Mine are just sick in the head. I have one friend that can relate, she's much stronger than I am. I try to follow her advice on putting my foot down and letting my mom know that I can't be taken advantage of anymore but I just can't bring myself to do that.
What sucks is that, I know what I need to do and no one else can push me to do it but myself. I don't even want advice from people that can't relate because it won't mean anything to me.
I'm feeling like a misguided soul again. Just when I think I know what I'm doing, where I'm going, I think about it more and realize, I still have no clue.
Thanks Blog, I feel better now.
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Moms, Moms, Moms. They ruin the life they gave ya. Gotta say, Get a Life, Mom! Gotta say, No way I can't spend all effing day running your errands, Mom. Gotta say, No thanks, Mom, I'm going to be washing my nose or something. But it's you who will feel guilty. And it's you who doesn't want to hurt fragile Mom's feelings. Because it's you who will undoubtedly pay the hidden, yet poignant price, like a time-release capsule of poison guilt that you forgot you even took. It's to the death, sugar pie. Sick and sad but true I'm afraid.
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